No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my shit smells like andre
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
