the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
