guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
