ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
