all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
