I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
