Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
