I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
