Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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