This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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