I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
