after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
