What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
