My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
