No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
