She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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