my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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