but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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