I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
