i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
