Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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