one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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