i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
