being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Im part way to drunk.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
