How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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