I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I use my feet as sexual weapons
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
