Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
