she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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