I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
