Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
this hospital has no fireball
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
