dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You've changed since you got that strap on
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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