You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
