now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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