I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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