The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
