who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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