That's intense
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
