remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
