at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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