When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
