"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
