Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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