I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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