Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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