There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
