Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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