using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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