its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
