Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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