Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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