I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
