God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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