Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
