We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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