i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
