If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
